Call of the Aether.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

 

Death of the Highborn.

Adhiratha returned home after a long day at the Palace. It was raining and the sky was grey. Tired and worn, Adhiratha went over to his porch, sat on his Cane chair and stared into the overcast sky. Radha stepped into the porch and walked softly to her husband. She bent over and lightly touched his arm. Lightning exploded and the thunder shook Adhiratha. He turned to see Radha’s finger on his lips. She beckoned him to follow and then entered the house slowly .

In Hastinapur, a group of children played in the rain near a well. Lightning exploded and the thunder shook them. The Ball they were playing with fell into the well and they screamed in unison at the one who dropped it. An Old powerful warrior laughed as he watched them from the Palace Balcony, waiting to see how they would solve their predicament. Then another flash from the Sky and Bheeshma saw fiery eyes and heard that terrible voice. He grasped his head wondering what brought on this vision. The children were quiet now. He followed their line of sight and saw a Brahmin approaching them.
Drona walked softly on the grass his fingers running through his prayer beads. His eyes fluttered in and out of his eyelids immersed in prayers. Bheeshma could hear the prayers vibrating in his skull. How did this Brahmin know these chants? And then it stopped. Bheeshma looked up.
Drona towered over the children his eyes wide open – boring into them. They stood in fear staring at him. This was no normal Brahmin. He had the muscles of a warrior and the scars of a fighter. His eyes showed great learning and calm. Drona then cocked his head and smiled.

“Oh Little ones. Why do you look so forlorn and lost? Where is the joy you had before I happened to pass by?” Yudhishtir the eldest of the litter looked at Drona. The rains were pouring now and he pointed to the well “Our ball has fallen in....”. Yudhishtir blinked as the rain drops smashed into his young face. Drona smiled again.

Back in his house Adhiratha followed Radha in. She led him to the basement. There she opened the door quietly and led him to the window of the Armoury. There was something glowing in the Armoury. It was golden and it came from the other end of the room. Adhiratha peered in looking for the source of the light. He saw his Bow on the floor and the string strung out next to it. Then footsteps approached and the glow became stronger. Radha drew away and so did Adhiratha. Then he saw him.
It was Vasusena, his ten year old son. His golden earings glittered in the dark and brought a beautiful hue to the room. Carefully Vasusena drew the string and began to string the bow. Adhiratha knew it was not possible. Even full grown strong men found it hard to string that Bow but – Vasusena was special. There was something about him. Great strength and something divine. Adhiratha watched in silence as the ten year old tied one end of the string to the lower leg of the Bow and then lifted the Bow that was heavier and taller than him. The other end of the string being held in his mouth, Vasusena placed one of his legs on the lower leg of the bow and grasped with both his hands the upper leg of the bow. He then pulled. Adhiratha couldn’t believe it. The Bow creaked and moaned fighting the pull. Vasusenas body pulled tight with the effort and his parents watched with horror as his Gift could be seen clearly now. Vasusena had one deformity that Adhiratha and Radha never understood. He had rock hard Armour under his skin. The stringing of this bow brought the armour to the crust of his skin and it was clearly defined now. With the Bow sufficiently bent Vasusena quickly tied up the other end of the string. He then let go of the Bow and a twang ran through the house and his parents hearts.

Drona bent down and picked up a blade of grass. He then leaned over the well and looked at the ball at the bottom of the well. He threw the blade of grass and it went straight down. It hit the ball, lightly penetrating it yet holding on to it. The children seeing this were awed. They then scrambled on their fours and collected more blades for the Brahmin. Drona then deftly launched many more blades each behind the other forming a chain from the ball all the way to the mouth of the well. When the chain was complete he simply drew the ball out to which the children cheered and praised him.
Drona amused by the little ones threw his ring into the well. The children went silent wondering why he did such a thing. Drona then saying a mantra threw a single blade with incredible force into the well. The blade went straight for the ring floating on the water. As it slipped into the ring something happened. The water that was ahead of the blade suddenly appeared behind it though the blade kept up in its momentum. With the water behind it the blade shot back up the mouth of the well into Dronas hand. Bhim ,the largest of the litter ran to the Grandsire and shouted out this great feat of the Brahmin to Bheeshma. Drona turned and looked at Bheeshma. Their eyes met but they already knew a lot about each other. Thunder crashed again and both were reminded of the fiery eyes . The Terrible One had taught them both and somehow they intuited this fact of the other. They both greeted the other by bowing their heads.

Meanwhile in Adhiratha’s home Vasusena crept out of the house and stood in rain. His parents kept a safe distance but continued to watch him. The boy was looking at the sky. Thick clouds blanketed the sky - hard and opaque. Vasusena strained his eyes and then he saw it. In the distance near the horizon he saw a break in the clouds and the flow of Sunlight. He smiled and picked up the bow. He fixed his arrow and stared at the hole through which sunlight poured in. It was far away. So far away. Thunder crashed above him.

The Terrible One sat in rain looking at his training grounds in Vishnatar. Parasuram, Death of the Highborn, was impatient. Storms used to follow him in the olden days when his blood lust couldnt be quenched. This storm troubled him though. The Lessons should not be stopped because of a few drops of water. Bah, todays children were too fussy. He got up and drew his bow and shot a mighty arrow at the heavy clouds. The arrow punched a hole in the clouds and sunlight poured in. His students came out and wallowed in the Beam of light. Parasuram stared at the hole he made when he saw something fiery heading for the same hole. An arrow. That too an ordinary arrow. An ordinary arrow burning because of its immense speed. It went straight through the same hole Parasuram had made. Tracing the line of that arrow he looked at the horizon. He wondered who this audacious person could be.

Comments:
did you intend to twist the facts around a little?
 
Tell me which facts...the last part was completely constructed...but I dont think i twisted any fact...
 
I like this. You're writing is nice and smooth. I hope you do play around with "the facts" however you see fit. Or at least describe things in ways that haven't quite been seen before. Already I see touches of The_UnDead in the narrative.



By the way, I subscribe to your feed, so I know as soon as you put up a post. No need to give me notification! Hee hee.
 
Comoon Yohan...we can have a more indepth analysis...what did u NOT like abt it...sorry abt the excessive adversting...your comment box is a very lucrative adspace (not aimed at you :))
 
I like to refrain from criticism until I am asked for it.

So here goes.

I think that the story is not really very different from the published versions - yet. Also, for wider appeal, you might want to say who each of the characters are. Such as Adhiratha, whose name I did not recognize.

Are you planning to keep going? In that case things might fall into place.

As far as writing style goes, I'd prefer lines that do not sound modern, like "Adhiratha couldn’t believe it." Sort of line that serves no purpose. Describe his reaction without stock phrases.
 
Yeaay...yeah Even I am a little tired of the "stock phrases" I use and Adhiratha is the Royal Charioteer and Karns father...Vasusena is Karna....and Parasuram is a Kshatriya killer also the Guru of Drona, Bheeshma and Karna.
 
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